305 lbs. True Confessions

As summer comes to an end, I have taken some time to reflect on my accomplishments.  It’s been a rough summer, but it has gone by quickly.

I lost my job in the spring and started working again in May.  The company I worked for was sold, and at first I was told that the new company was not going to hire me.  After my boss who was one of the partners in the original company quit, the new company did hire me.  I gained a job but lost my biggest cheerleader.

Sometimes you don’t realize what a strain something is until it’s gone.  I’ve grown up having a dog my whole life.  I didn’t realize how much work having a dog was until our dog of 16 years died and we decided not to get another one.  I did not realize how much stress my job brought into my life until it was gone.  Finding the time to run or go to the gym was easy.  The pounds just seemed to fall off.  My stress was definitely at an all-time low.

Going back to work has been very stressful  for my whole family.  I am doing the exact same job that I was before, except that I am no longer allowed to work from home.  That has caused a huge strain on me because I am now trying to cram seven days of home management into five.  My being out of the house two days a week for somewhere in the neighborhood of 13 hours a day has effected everyone in some way.

This summer has been the roller coaster summer–lose two pounds, gain two pounds, lose two pounds, gain two pounds.  I’ve been here before, and it’s frustrating.  I look back at the summer and think of the time that is gone that I cannot get back.  However, I look back at what I’ve done so far–losing 100 pounds and able to do almost anything–and I’m amazed.  I feel like I’ve completed a monumental task.  Did I really do that?

However, I’m not finished yet.  I’ve been looking back so much on what I’ve done that I have lost sight of my goal.  I need to refocus.  I need to quit looking back and turn around and look ahead.   However, when I do look in the right direction, the task ahead seems astronomical. I think that I cannot do it and that I might as well just give up.  Fear sets in.  Fear of failure.

Sometimes I think I’ve gotten too comfortable where I am. Everyone keeps telling me how great I look, so I feel accepted. I feel content and satisified where I am, so there’s no push to change that.  Time is flying by.  I don’t want to waste another minute!

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